8/17/2016

Asin
Asin sa salog
Ilawm sa tuhod
Nag luhod-luhod
Daw penitensya
Sa dakong sala
Hinaot silot
Kaha balaod
Kaha pagbuot sa lain nga utok
Apan wala
Wala
Walay dako-dako
Nga gapugos
Walay ningtud
Walay nagpaluhod
Ang duha
Nako ka tuhod
Ako lang gyud gituslob
Sa asin
Para isangyaw ka

Perfume

Humot kaayo
Ang red horse sa imong baba
Ang aso
Sa sigarilyo
Sa tunga-tunga, sa sulod-sulod
Sa liko-liko sa imong mga kulot

Humot kaayo
Ang gabii nga atong giduslitan
Dinha daplin sa dalan
Samtang gilakaw ang Colon nga natulog
“Palihug
Ayaw pangihi dire”
“Fertilizer man gud nang ihi,” ingon ka
Ug sa kabuotan sa imong kasing kasing
Gitabangan mo ug tubo
Ang sagbot
Sa semento

Humot kaayo
Ang ikaw nga dili kargado
Ug perfume sa imong mama
Wa mag uniform
Wa mag gel
Wa mag rubber shoes sa imong papa
Kanang ikaw ra
Nga murag ako
Kitang singot ug sigarilyo
Kitang damgo
Sa Colon nga natulog

Dive

It was still until it wasn’t.
The wind picked up a hurried pace.
First a shudder, then a gasping…
Labored breathing past my face

Rusting railings beneath my grip -
This ferry’s fence that I could climb.
Hoist a foot up on a bar
Then slowly breathe, then dive.

Then sink.
Then, deeper.
Until these lungs fill up with water
Enough to explode, to break the cage
Around my heart; a cataclysm
But a silent one

No, though
This isn’t my suicide
I simply am a mermaid
Coming back to life.

Fire, Gasoline

We loved because it was familiar
I saw the fire in you
And you kept me
As gasoline
We made our light for two
And we knew only
How to burn
We threw so much in the fire
You threw in most of your life
And I, myself, in the pyre
Now, as ashes
We settle in
The rubble
Now, as rubble
We’re sweeped away
Two shards of soul that did not fit
Together
Yet magnetized
Now, as people
We move on
Now, being better
We learn to stay

8/16/2016

Rough
Almost grazing
You are stubborn
And unyielding
And annoying! Might I add
At the tips
Of my very hand
And bland
Between my teeth
Concrete
Beneath my nails
Skin
Over skin
Over skin over bones
Yet you don’t seem
Like anything
At all
Like the skin on my face

                        -Callus

8/15/2016

bite my lip
draw some blood
don’t be scared
flower bud
kiss chrysanthemums on my skin
so these butterflies from within

             will have something to call home

Plete Palihog

Gitagaan ko ang taxi ug napulo ka baynte
“Keep the change”

Sa kamahal sa imong balay,
Makapangutana ko usahay,
Tag-pila ang kada tamak nako sa imong tiles?

Dyes mil? Dosi?
Sagdi.
Basta dato ka, ako pobre.

Basta sa pag abli ko
Sa imong pultahan
Naa dayon kas akong atubangan
Ga-ngisi

Wa kay paki

Nga ang v-neck nako inukay,
Imitation ahong nike,
Ang lipstick nako,
Wa didto, wa dinhi -
Halok lang ka gihapon, halok lang ka permi.

“Kumusta naman ka?” ning action pa kog sulti.
Kahibaw gud tang duha
Nga wa natoy nay paki
Mutawag raman ka ug gilaay.
Ug ako kung wa nay i-plete.

Hahay, piste.
Ing-ani nalang ta sigi.
Inom,
Sigarilyo,
Halok,
Uban pa,
Inom,
Sigarilyo,
Lakaw.
“Diay i-plete”

Wala na ko mag taxi.

Ning-para ko ug 17D.

Kanindot mag tan-aw sa gawas sa galihok nga sakyanan, sa?
Murag gi fast forward ang kalibutan.
Murag mabiyaan na tika.
HAHA.
Asa.

“Plete palihog” gihatag ko ang kwarta.
Ug sugod adto nga siyete, gisugdan ko pag-utro,
Ang pagsuway ug kalimot kanimo.

Pero usahay mag baktas ra bitaw ko.
Usahay sigarilyo ang gusto nako kuoton, imbis nga siyete, kay piste, kung kwarta ra ko nimo, kwarta ra sad ka: siyete!

Nganong nasuko man ko oi? Usa ra unta ka ka taxi.
Pero unsaon ta man, mag jeep man meng mga pobre,
Ug sorry
Nga sa akong pagkalimot
Ganahan ko
Siyete-siyte.

Asa na kaha ka nga 17D naabot?
Makapangutana bitaw ko usahay.
Basin nasukli na ka balik naho ba. Giatay,
Makalimot na bitaw jud unta ko,
Pila na to ka jeep, pila na ka “plete, oh”.

Pero tua,
Mga numero...
0-9-0-2…
“Ari ta sa balay?”
6-35
“Naa koy sigarilyo”
80-4-0.
Niadto one thousand, karon Marlboro?

Kayasa jud nimo.

Gitagaan ko ang taxi ug napulo ka baynte.
“Keep the change”

Karon, pila nasad ka siyete
Ang ipuno mos akong plete?

First Published: 8/15/2016

Adagio

I awoke slowly,

     as if I hadn’t slept at all, like I had simply been resting on soft grass with my eyes closed and my body unmoving, then, when I was ready to open my eyes, I did.

I was not on soft grass.

I was on my floor. The dirty white ceiling appeared higher here on the piece of thin foam I set up in my apartment kitchen as a makeshift bed for you last night, when you showed up on my doorstep at 2:44AM, while all my neighbors were asleep and all my neighbors’ dogs, wide awake.

-I. Love. You.

I would have had you know, if I wasn’t the kind of person I am - the kind who loathed unnecessary overcomplications, that:

first, I did not like how you broke that sentence up like that when you said it, because I could not tell where the stress was, and it bothered me, because, did YOU love me, did you LOVE me, or did you love ME? I could not tell at all. I get that you were short of breath, and you probably ran here and you were probably drunk or high, but if you were gonna say shit like that, I just wish you said it better;

second, I did not like how you had your eyes closed when you said it, as if you were saying “I wet my bed” or “I broke the vase” or “I cheated in the exam” or “I sinned”, as if telling me you love me (or you /love/ me, or you love /me/) was the most shameful thing; and

third, I did not like you, but rather loved you. I would actually jump off a bridge for you if you asked, and knowing you, with that knowledge, you’d ask me to jump and volunteer to push. And I would so fucking let you; but

fourth, I did not like unnecessary overcomplications, and was the kind of person that I was, so I did not have you know anything, and in fact, said only these few words in reply to your shitty attempt at a confession that you’ll forget about or act like you’ve forgotten about the next day:

-You’re drunk. Come'on.

Like always, I took you inside, I offered you a glass of water to drink and spill down your shirt, I laid out that lame piece of foam for you, I wrapped you in the blanket I liked the most, and I did not tell you that I loved you.

Unlike always, you grabbed my wrist when I brushed off the hair your sweat glued to your forehead, and you pulled me down, and you kissed me.

Your tongue tasted like gin and your short breaths, of desire.

I hated gin, you know, but this was the first time my tongue had ever grazed the lies you have not yet said and in this angle, the next I love you (or I love you, or I love you) you will tell me drunk or high, the “I was studying at a friend’s house” you will try to sell to your parents when you get home, the “We’re just friends”, the next few lies, the lies that have not yet formed in your mouth - they all had the capability to be real, e.g. you could really love me, even if deep down, I knew you’d never.

So, fuck the gin, I thought, I will linger in your mouth amidst this sweet bitterness that makes my throat shiver, because when your I love you and the I love you that I balanced on the tip of my tongue met, love was real. In our adagio of tongues, we loved each other. We encased our love in our chapped lips.

-I…

But, of course, you had to come up for air.

-…love you

And, just like that, the lie took it’s place between our bodies, and our love escaped it encasing to scatter itself amongst the thick, hot air. I caught the stress this time. I love you.

I love you.

I held your jaw in my hands so I’d see your face better. The streetlight outside gave your face an orange tint. Your breath still came in short, wanton pants, but this time, so did mine.

This time, when we sat face to face in each other’s arms, we sat as ourselves, no longer as lovers but as friends crossing boundaries, and the conversation that we had after, was no longer the litany of lies of the things I want to hear, because you were in the state of drunkenness now where bursts of honesty slipped out from you.

I asked:

-Who?

-You…

-Hmm? Who?

-YOU.

You pulled me close. I took an embarrassingly short time to comply, shameless, coming so close to you we were nose to nose; our breaths mingled with each other.

I whispered:

-Who am I?

God, I regret that question. I just knew. I just. Fucking. Knew. what you were gonna say next.

-Hmm?

-Who am I, Christian?

(I motherfucking knew.)

(I motherfucking knew.)

(I motherfucking knew.)

-Clarissa.

My name was June.

-Christian, I think..

-I mean, shit, I mean June.

Oh my god. How absolutely (sad) hilarious. You actually corrected yourself. You are so (beautiful) lame, you know? I really want to (kiss) punch you. You absolute (shit) shit.

-June, I love you, I love you, alright, I–

Fuck it, though, yeah? Fuck the hell out of it. I basically smashed our lips together. The I love you on my tongue was now a fuck you, but the breaths I sent your way was a fuck me, a kiss me harder, a please, if you won’t fucking love me, fucking pretend for the night, because it’s the least you can fucking do for all the fucking shit you put me through, an I still. Really. Fucking. Love you. You. Piece. Of. Fucking. Shit.

-Touch me.

I said.

And you did.

-Kiss me there.

I said.

And you did.

-Please.

I begged.

-Yes!

I said.

-Oh!

But, then…

-I love you, June.

What’s a liar doing in my bed?

-I hate your guts, Christian.

There’s two liars in this bed.

-Fuck!

-Fuck!

-Fuck!

Fuck.

Then, I am on my floor.

The dirty white ceiling appeared higher here on the piece of thin foam I set up in my apartment kitchen as a makeshift bed for us last night.

-I’m so sorry.

Well, thanks for your note.

Another one for my collection.

First Published: 6/1/2016